Friday, December 02, 2005

Forgiveness

Not to long ago, 3 months and 4 days ago to be exact, I made a decision. A decision that has forever changed my family. I had asked the questions no one wanted to ask. The ones no one wanted to hear the answers too. Someone had too, and I have the beginning of the knowledge to ask the questions and to understand the answers and the consequences. So, I asked. I demanded to know the truth. They told me. Most of which I did already know, but the answered. I asked. They answered. And a decision was made.

I remember what it was like as the machines were turned off and the pain meds increased. His chest stopped rising, his heart stopped, he turned cold, the blood stopped moving. And my father was gone.

And while I do believe that I made the right decision, there was less than 2% chance of getting out of the coma -- that is NOT recovery, one the doctors did agree with. I wonder if my father forgives me. Or if he is sitting next to God cursing my name with his every breath. My DB and DSIL don't blame me, in fact they agree. I know my dad's fiancee and her brats do. But whether anyone else agrees or not, I wonder if my dad is upset with me. I know I did the right thing, but does he?

2 comments:

Stasha said...

He knows and he probably agrees that wasting time here when he could be active on the other side is a better way to live.
Personally, I think giving his shack up the name fiancee is being generous of you.

Onilyn said...

Thank you Stasha.