Sunday, November 23, 2008


So, I realized I forgot to tell about the coolest and possibly one of the dumbest things I did - but it was so totally worth it and I'd do it again in a heartbeat - hopefully I don't have to work or be home that night.

So, on November 8th, I drove my butt 3 1/2 hours south to Indianapolis - well the North Side of it - and met my friend Karen at the yarn haven she works at and SUZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And one other lady, who gave me a card and I've misplaced it at the moment and spaced on the name. BUT I MET SUZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wasn't sure what I was expecting, but she totally rocks. Smart and sassy. :) We - the four of us - went to MacAlasteir's Deli and spent about 3 or 4 hours talking. We talked about a lot of different things, which I won't elaborate on - we covered a lot of subjects = family, military, school, politics (just a touch - couldn't be helped it was right after the election), love (once again I was the only single one in the bunch, but eh it works). I can't wait to go back. HOpefully to spend more time with everyone. So, now I've officially met 3 of my sisters by another mother. I WILL meet them all.

Oh, the dumb part - leaving Indy at 10 at night and driving home. I got home at 1:30 in the morning and had to be at work at 6 the next morning. I was exhausted.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008


I generally hate corporations. They're pretty much to blame for the whole economic crisis that and greed coupled with stupidity - at all levels.

But Michigan's economy is tanked and will tank harder when the Big 3 Auto makers fall. And why is that a big problem? Because the bone heads making decisions in this state put everything into cars (and furniture - but good furniture has been replaced by over priced pressboard crap from art van that has little use, no value, and not artistic at all) - everything.

Public schools lost the fight to send kids to college a long time ago because why spend 50K on education at UofM or MSU when you can make 30/hour at factory sitting on your ass and turning a couple of bolts (I have family who do this) and there fore public education gets you a factory job but very little else.

I'm a writer and a college student and vet majoring in medical - why do I care - family mostly - they'll lose they're jobs - the ones that haven't already - the houses will go into foreclosure, and 8 out of 10 cities will become ghost towns as everyone leaves the bloody state to look for work that pays.

Should the government bail them out? No, not really. Because instead of looking at what consumers wanted (smaller, more efficient cars) the Big 3 decided that more gas guzzling SUV's and Trucks were needed - that's what they ordered and that's what they pushed on people. Because really a family of two or four that lives in the city and never goes down a dirt road really needs an SUV/Mini-Van/Truck. *Doh*

Am I affected - was - 8 years ago when the evil-unholy bank of the improper fraction bought out the hometown bank and laid everyone (not an exaggeration) off.

Friday, November 14, 2008


Sometimes I don't want to be cheery and happy. I don't want to pretend that I've got it all figured out, that it's easy. I don't always like to share what's going on in my life, because aside from being way to personal and requires more trust than I care to spare for more than the few who have it. I won't bring this to my friends, because one just got a great job offer and another is dealing with a scary situation and some are just trying to get through their daily lives without having to listen to me. But this is my blog and I can say what I feel like.

What I feel like is quitting. I'd say everything, but I'd miss my DD too much and she'd be stuck with someone I don't really trust or like. School - I'm just over a semester from graduating with a B.S. - yippee -- I don't care anymore. My classes are hard and I'm just passing the lectures - labs I'm doing better, but lectures suck. I have more to do this year than ever before. My mom has emphysema - we still don't know how bad, but I'm guessing a year - two tops....I'm thinking she's had it for a while - you know the cough that never went away. That and the doc looked at four chest x-rays and said you've got emphysema. My DD's body is acting up and I've gone through 3 pediatrician's at the office because 1 didn't come back after a family emergency, another said wait and see one to many times - I'm not a hysterical mom - I actually know when something's not right and when she just wants to get out of school and be lazy, then there are two that I'm still trying to figure out - one who's more aggressive with looking at all of the clues and one who I sometimes get the feeling that she just wants me out of there. And then there is an accident that happened 13 years ago that may be responsible for me losing my teeth, not being able to have anymore kids, and an increase in cancer risk. And now I have to fight the VA over it. And just to add my fun, everyone wants to adopt a family for Thanksgiving and Christmas = great. grand. Have at it. But I'M expected to contribute too. I can't pay my rent, there is barely any food in my house, and my caseworker is sending my more forms. So I have prove I am who I say I am and who my DD is and barely make while some lying jerk gets enough money, aid, and food stamps to feed an army with no intention of getting off welfare. Now really, how is one piece of paper going to help. Because really, I don't if I can get into grad school, let alone pay for it. There's a new GI bill = that's wonderful - I served non-combat between the Persian Gulf and Iraq/Afghanistan - it doesn't apply for me. I have worked hard to get to this point, to get to a point where I can hold my head up and say it was worth it, I did it. But it's not there, and its not coming. And my family - they're full of great advice like - "well your brother and I did it - full time school, work, and raise a family and we had more kids" = yeah, let's put that into perspective - anyone can do it if they're married with someone else doing things like cooking, working, and putting kids to bed. And really my brother went to the U of Phoenix - advance/adult school and majored in IT, - one class, one night a week - yeah I could do that too - and I wouldn't even need to study. My mom went to a business college for accounting - I've taken those classes before - yup I could do those in my sleep - both my mom and my brother were married - someone else watched and worried about the kids while they were in school. My brother worked, my dad worked, my mom worked part-time. My sil takes care of the kids, and the house, and everything else. So, that's easier than doing it pretty much alone. My family doesn't live close. If my DD is sick at school, I have to leave school to go get her, regardless of what I'm doing - regardless if I'm taking a test or listening to a lecture. No one else cleans my house, makes money for me so that I can just study. I have to come up with rent money, with money for the laundry, with money for everything. And really, if I'd gotten a job in a factory I could make $30/hour for sitting on my ass and doing nothing. I could have a house and fewer worries. But I didn't. I wanted to do better for my DD. And I didn't. There will be no Christmas at our house - good thing Santa has never visited, because it's real hard to explain why the number of gifts Santa brings keep getting smaller - Thanksgiving should be interesting, since it's a my brother's and really since the comment he made the last time (his opinion is that it's the victim's fault, not his responsibility) - I don't want to see him. Blood may be thicker than water, but it's not stronger than love. My rant. My blog. Really, life feels like everyone's against me, and I don't have it in me to turn around and yell - "But I'll still make it further than you!". I just want to sit down, hidden from view, and give up. Because really, what is the point.

Sometimes there is no fixing, there is only accepting.