Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Shrouded In Black

Once again, I'm shrouded in Black.

Five years ago I met her, my roomate, my surrogate mother, my sounding board, and my friend. We worked at the evil unholy bank -- the one we were laid off from. Four years ago, along with her niece --on of my best friends -- we became roomates. When my dad was in the hospital she relayed messages back and forth from me and more of my friends, she watched over my DD and made sure she was taken care of. She mothered me and my DD. And last night, she went home. She is without pain, sorrow, or suffering. And I am in pain.

I kick myself for not being there, for not doing more. No one seems to blame me, but me. I said I would take care of her. And I lied. And I don't know if I can ever forgive myself. I don't know if she will forgive me.

I have lost my friend and my DD has lost a 2nd grandma.

I am lost.
I am alone in a crowded room.
I am shrouded in black.

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