I can't though... I can't cry -- not today, not when my heart and soul demand that I do so. My grandma passed away today. She was my grandma through my friends. She treated me and my DD like her grandkids and great-grandkids. Her death reminds me of all that I didn't get done. A promise, now broken, that can never be kept. When Nancy died, I made a promise to myself that the fabric I inherited from her would be used to make a quilt for her mother, grandma. But life intervened and when I came out of myself enough after the pain had faded, I never got to it. There was always something else. Not always bigger or brighter or better -- but something else. She was sick and I think tired. She held on longer than she ever believed she would, but after her eldest child left this world and her husband had too, I don't know that she wanted to remain any longer.
The sun rose in shades of red and pink,
The summer moon in a brilliant orange,
The hues of fire burnt into my soul,
The blackened ash uncovered,
The wind stands still, afraid to move,
The clouds threaten tears,
Tears that mingle with those of my heart.
The Earth sheds the tears I can not.
And I am sadden more.