The Journey To Me

Starts inside, but it does manifest elsewhere. I keep a blog titled "Elven Thoughts and Meanderings" a misnomer to some degree. But, to make it true opens myself up to ridicule by those I have come to trust and consider my friends. Therefore, my options are somewhat limited == I can keep it as is, and begin anew where the title and the content are for the same purpose or I can change the title of this and open a new journal using this title, or I can keep the journal and alter the course of friendships I people I have come to love that I would miss and would not wholly understand or believe --

Perhaps it is best if somethings remain hidden from outside viewers, but therein lies my unhappiness == to be alone and not know my kin, my people...what joy it that lies there.

Thimbleberries

Is a block in the month club at a quilt shop that I discovered while looking for a butcher that one of my friends recommended to me. I signed up for the club on a spur of the moment decision. Yesterday was the first meeting that I went to. I bought the first month right then and sat down with the rest of the ladies, while they were sewing, I started cutting my fabric. I found out what some of my problems with my other quilt block experiences. :) I had a ton of fun and couldn't wait to get home to get more sewing done. The fabric for the Thimbleberries Quilt Club, is all vintage fabrics, a lot of golds, greens, and russets. The center block is an outline print of something. Such as hearts for February. I'm going to stitch the outline. I'm not sure if I want to stitch it black or some other color. I would like to use varigated floss. Maybe something from Weeks Dye Works (Havana, Molasses, Charcoal, or Onyx) or from Sample Threads (Cherry Bark, Forest Glade, Soot, or Black Crow). Since I don't have the center block with me -- they are behind in orders right now, I'm not sure which would look better. There are no bright colors on the fabrics, just muted fall colors. I'm looking forward to finishing it. Though I confess I will probably send it out for quilting, I love making tops, but I'm really lousy at machine and hand quilting. At least right now. Another thing I'd like to learn. Because you can only tie so many quilts. :) I will try and get a photo up as soon I can.

Question to Ponder...

...if this is the third, fourth, hundreth, or more time I've spoken with you and you still begin with "I'm a Christian" or "As a Christian" --- are you trying to convince me or yourself?

---Remember actions always speak louder than words, and the smallest, mostly unseen action, will be heard the loudest.

Today

I brokeded.

On My Photography Class

I have this assignment -- actually it was given 2 weeks ago, and it took me until Friday to figure out what to do. I hadn't realized what a rut my thought process was in. It's still uniquely mine, but there was a difference I hadn't been aware of. The assignment was -- well is -- in 36 shots show 1) freeze motion (but you have to be able to tell it was moving), 2) show motion, 3) show depth of field, and 4) show infinite focal length (at least I believe that is what he called it). So I sat down and tried to process it and come up with creative ways to show things. And I couldn't. I had gotten use to 1 -2 - 3 - 4- 5- steps in order -- linear ways of doing things. Not creative/circular like I was used to doing it. When I stepped outside academia I could do it. Now, my only concern with is, outside of being creative or original enough, is with the ideas and visualizations I did come up with, knowing that what I was trying for is what I got. Since I'm not shooting 1-2-3-4 etc I am writing what the shots are when I take them, so I don't forget. I was thinking of writing down all of the settings I've been using, but I don't know that I want to do that, well more likely, I don't know that I'll have the discipline to do that. The thing that I don't like about homework rolls when there are set numbers of each subject or part is that I can't take multiple pictures in order to get the one I want. That stinketh. I know it's a lot of practice, practice, practice, but I don't know that if what I've been doing (basic record keeping-- taking pictures of my DD, friends, and family) is enough. I've been wondering well two things -- what kind of color film to use (its a b&w class), and wondering about doing an interpretive word set of shots. One roll per word or phrase per week or so. But I don't know that I would want to come up with all of the words or phrases because then I could stack the deck in the way that I like and I am comfortable with. I think the idea is to be challenged. I think that might help me. At least I think so. So, if I do do this, I would want to know if it's b&w or color film to use and the word or phrase. Then when I have them developed I could make sure that I get them on disc too, so that the results can be seen. I also thought about picking a specific scene and taking several shots of it using different settings just to see the effect of it. That would probably take two rolls -- maybe do it twice or even three times -- inside, outside sunny, and outside cloudy. I should get an album of some sort to keep track of all of them -- note film, speed, and all settings so I can do a quick look and go -- oh, so that's what that would look like.

FYI Here Too

Even though a great many literature authors will tell you that you must be depressed, under tension, and despair regularly in order to write anything worth while. I whole-heartedly disagree with that sh*t. First of all, you have to want it. Second of all, you have to have a measure of talent that you were born with, and third of all, you have to guts, determination, and have unquestionable faith in yourself and your abilities. Otherwise, quit. It's easier. Less taxing on those pour fragile nerves and the rejections you recieve for your work won't cause you to go further into depression. But, on the other hand, if you believe that dribble, don't be surprised when the rejections start piling up. Very few people want to read about how depressed you are and how sad everything is.

Enough said.

(It's also posted at Behind the Script.) which is also mine

Woe Is Me....

Well not really... I mean nothing horrible is going on and my stress levels are decreasing. And the more I think about it, the more I like the idea of being a doctor. Not sure though. But I have to wonder, as I'm sitting in my beginning photography class (uses one of those big camera's where everything is manual) listengin to the prof talk about all the differences between him and me...now why couldn't I just apprentice for a while to learn all of the basics. It's not like the prof is teaching me how to think any further outside the box than I already do, ugh. Oh well. I got my slides back, he neglected to tell us our grades. I'm so not comfortable with that. I like to know how I'm doing in a class. Especially since failing is so not an option.

The other day I got to thinking about a few things, and I came to a realization. With the exception of small things (stash, clothes, books, footwear (as it is required by law) and music) all things that are individually less than 30.00 each when I bought them, nothing in my house was new when I got it. Not a thing. Not that that is a bad thing, I'm not materialistic or anything and I am quite aware of the difference bewteen a want and a need. But you know, just once, I'd like something new. LIke, oh I don't know, something that is more me than not. I'd like a car that I don't have to worry about. What I'd really like is one of those hybrids or to live a city with an actual transportation system that reaches all areas. I don't mind having to wait, but some times waiting gets old.

On a totally different train of thought -- I'm trying to organize and file all of my paperwork... that means some of it goes into the circular file too. Works nice. It's been hard. I honestly don't know what to do with all of it. As far as where to put it. And I don't necessarily want to box it all up since that will just shift the problem not solve it.

But for tonight....

I'm outta here.......

Life Goal

I'm doing one of those Life Goal - Change thingy's -- Here is my life goal --

To live simply and honorably, while keeping my values and beliefs in tact and not sacrificing my DD wellfare.

I would prefer to live my life simple and unassuming without attention being called to the people I help or the things I do in order to help others.

Wants vs. Needs

Now there is a definite difference between a want and a need in my not so humble opinion -- I do not need a brand new Ford Ranger XLT 4x4 with an extended cab in hunter green. I live in the city, that is a want. But I do need a new car. See -- want vs. need. I need to move, now. Luxary apartments are a want, however close in price they may be.

Okay, so we know, well, I do, that I don't need any more fabric. For a while. I really don't. However, I do need new clothes, and not knowing if people will grow brains and stop wearing hip huggers with bell bottoms anytime soon, and knowing that whether I am a size 2, 8, or 20, I will not ever wear them. EVER. My arse should not be showing to the world. It's mine and nobody elses. I did buy fabric yesterday. Several yards of it. All to make skirts, because it's warming up and I want to. I do want to go get some of the gauzy stuff from Destination India for a circle skirt still. And I want to get some knit tanks to go with it. And the good thing about the skirts, is that as I loose weight, I can take them in. hehehe.