Spring Break -- Day 6

March 10, 2006

Lewisville, TX

Day 6

Today, my uncle stayed home and in bed because he wasn’t feeling good. Which is really the best thing for him. My aunt believes in antibiotics at the slightest sniffle. Can we say powerful, lethal bugs, as a result. Ugh.

She took us to Sam Moon Trading Company. WOW! They have some really nice stuff at some very inexpensive prices. I was happy. I bought several pairs of earrings and necklace sets for myself and for my mom, SIL, and DsS. I also found myself buying several purses for some strange, unknown reason. They were only $15.00, so that is good. After Sam Moon, I picked up T-shirts for DD and I. And then we went to McDonald’s for lunch. Yuck. After ward we went to the Bass Pro Shop and looked around. Fun. Fun. Fun. I also picked up some snack stuff. Then we dropped Nana off, settled our things in, and then I started packing. After a while my aunt, DD, and I ended up going to Walmart, I got more snacky stuff, a journal, and a book to write in. And TSA approved locks for all of my luggage. We came home, had sandwiches and ice cream. I finished packing, having had bought another carryon style bag and borrowing my aunt’s large suitcase. Okay, note to self, I way over packed. Let’s not do that again. That’s bad. My Aunt gave me a bunch of clothes that don’t fit her, so I first tried them on and then packed them. I helped her bring things down from the attic and sat out in the courtyard with her. She’s going to turn it into a spiritual/healing room. It’s going to be covered with roses, it’ll be beautiful when it’s done.

I really hate that fact that we are flying out tomorrow.

On a good note, I did finish a RR Christmas tree Thursday. So that is good. And I started on the Celtic Cross by TW. It's going in my carry-on for the ride home. It's cold and snowy in Michigan. It was 84 F here yesterday.

Spring Break -- Day 5

March 9, 2006

Lewisville, TX

Day 5

It was mostly a quiet day. A change from all of the running around that we’ve been doing. We went back to Grapevine Mall so that I could exchange a couple pairs of shorts that wouldn’t fit DD and that my grandma just wouldn’t stop telling me about them. Ugh. So, we walked the last half of the mall and had lunch at the Rainforest Café. I picked up shirts for the kids and a pair of earrings for SIL. Then we drove around the lake and dam at Grapevine and through one of the parks they had there. It was nice and relaxing. We came home, my uncle and Nana took naps, DD worked on her homework and I stitched. I finished Futurecast late last night. My uncle wasn’t feeling good, so he went home. And after my aunt came home, we went to El Chico for dinner. I had an enchilada sampler and fried ice cream – it was okay, it wasn’t the best. It was edible. DD had nuggets. Nana had a tortilla soup that turned out to be very spicy and she didn’t like that, so she ordered Mexican Apple Pie, which was really good. More stitching followed. It was a nice time.

Tomorrow is Friday – that really sucks.

Spring Break -- Day 4

March 8, 2006

Lewisville, TX

Day 4

This morning we went to IHOP for breakfast and then we drove into Dallas and went to the Aquarium. Nana used a wheelchair, and DD practically ran through the whole thing. We started on the third floor in the rainforest and worked our way down. It was amazing. I blew 4 rolls of color film there. It was great. We saw monkeys, birds, birds, and more birds, lizards, spiders, a jaguar -- beautiful animal, and alligators. And that was just in the rainforest. No, the jaguar was in Mundo Maya, very cool place. We went through the ocean and saw hundreds of different types of fish categorized first by island they live near – that makes sense, and then by who doesn’t eat whom. There was a large predator tank, a shark tank, and continental shelf tank, and a tank for the darkest, deeper parts of the ocean. We ended the tour near the gift shop – I bought a mug for me, some little things for DD, a t-shirt for my step dad, and nana bought a t-shirt for DB. Then we drove around Dallas. They had this really cool park that had statues of cowboys driving longhorns down and around and up this hill. It was sooooooooooooooo cool. I didn’t have my camera out to get a picture. Bummer. We came home, my uncle and Nana took naps, DD played, I stitched. We then went to the mall for dinner because our original plans got nixed. Oh well. It was fun. Went to Dillards -- $166.00 for a cotton peasant style skirt with a little bit of beadwork on the waist band – ah, no thanks. We walked out. DD wanted to go to Libby Lu, so we did. Expensive, but she picked out a few things that she wanted that were to expensive so that was good. We came home, watched TV, relaxed, and stitched. After breakfast we went to Wolf Camera’s where I picked up a flash and a lens cleaning kit, and a roll of film, that I hope is the right one. Otherwise, I could be up a creek. :S

I can’t believe it’s Wednesday already. So not fair.

Spring Break -- Day 3

March 7, 2006

Lewisville, TX

Day 3

This morning we went to the Owen’s Spring Creek Farm and saw a museum of farm life including the general store and then we walked around and saw their horses and then we went into the petting zoo and fed the longhorn cattle and (and petted) the goats. DD climbed onto a spider made out of a huge rolled bale of hay, spray painted to look like a happy spider face. After we left there, we went to Black Eye Peas for lunch, the place we were going to go to (Magical Time Machine) wasn’t open for lunch. :( After that we walked next door to Quilt Country. All I can is 8500 bolts of fabric!!!!! Very expensive at $8.95 a yard. Ouch. I bought 2 ½ yards of four Texas flowers fabrics that I’m going to use to make quilts from. I just don’t know what I’m going to do yet. We’ll see. I think I may do a flying geese for one of the patterns, I’m just not sure yet. We’ll see. For dinner, we stayed home and had ham and bologna sandwiches. And then my aunt, DD, and I went to Walmart and JoAnn Fabrics. Their JoAnn’s has more crafty stuff (like a Michael’s) than fabric, and really, their fabric selection stunk. Oh Well. I don’t live here, so it’s allright. And well, Walmart is Walmart. Not a big day, but it 79°F and gorgeous.

Spring Break -- Day 2

March 6, 2006

Lewisville, TX

Day 2

We woke up at about 8:30 this morning and stayed in our pj’s until 9:30. I made eggs and toast for breakfast which went over fairly well. My uncle came over around 9:45 or so. After I finished getting ready, we went to this mall where the Dallas Children’s Museum was. DD played in the Greek house, the Doctor’s Office/hospital/ambulence, Cici’s Pizzeria, Kroger’s Grocery Store – where she both shopped and rang up her groceries on a real working scanner, she also played on the stage, and did some drawing. She played the most in the house and in the pizza store. Although, with as much time as we spent there, I think that was her favorite part. Afterward we went to Grapevine Mall and ate at the Rainforest Café. DD was begging for McDonald’s again. Ugh. We went to the café with the understanding that if she didn’t like it we could go to McDonald’s. She loved the alligator at the entrance and the aquariums. And then there were the elephants, and after she got over her initial scare of the gorilla’s, she went off exploring the restaurant and sat at the bar on the giraffe legs and lower body, complete with moving rope tail. She had a blast! I’m so glad. She had dinosaur chicken nuggets with fries and a Coke. My uncle had the Blue Mountain Chicken Burger with chips and a Coke, Nana had Caribe Chicken with coffee, and I had the Planet Earth Pasta (sausage and penne pasta with mozzarella cheese and marinara sauce) some sort of toasted bread and a Coke. Then we went shopping. Nana and I bought a blue romper with fish on it for Nephew #5, t-shirts for Nephew #3 (brown tye-dye with safari animals on it and reads Rainforest Café), Niece #1(pink with two white tigers that reads Rainforest Café), Niece #2 (pink with sparkly tiger that reads Wild Thing on it), and DD (dark blue tye-dye with white tigers that reads Rainforest Café). And then I bought two more shirts for Serra (both white one with the Rainforest Café animals and name on it and one with Cha Cha (the frog) riding a bucking bronco that says Dallas on it), two for me (both with, one with all of the Rainforest Café animals and the name on the back and a small logo on the upper left side in front and one with three Cha Cha frogs doing the see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil thing on it) and a mug (white with animals and name). My Uncle commandeered a wheelchair for Nana and we walked around about half of the mall. I saw this store Justice-Just For Girls, I went in, but found they had really expensive versions of the clothes I usually find at The Children’s Place. Then Nana and I went into Liz Claiborne Shoes and she found a pair of heeled sandals in the kind that she likes. She got them in black. She paid like $55.00 for them, instead of the normal $64.00, and at the last minute I found a pair of dark tan ankle boots that I like. They are normally $94.00, and I got them for $21.00. They are a little tight, but I figure since I’m losing weight and they are leather, it’s perfectly fine. Then I found this store called Texas Treasures and I got DB a gray t-shirt with the Dallas Skyline on it, I picked up two shot glasses for mom one is clear with tiny painted boots, hats, and lone stars on it that says Dallas in big letters, and one that looks like an old map that says Texas on it and cowboys. And I got a collector’s spoon with a pair of boots and a map of Texas on it. I spotted two things there that I almost got, but didn’t – a bumper sticker that reads “I’m from Texas, what country are you from?” and an “Official” Texas Passport with all of the different large cities in Texas listed in on beige paper and laid out like a real passport. It was really neat. Then my uncle bought DD a Fairytopia Mermaid/Fairy thingy and a set of Polly Pockets. Then I found The Children’s Place Outlet store and I bought DD three pair of socks, three pair of shorts, two pairs of Capri pants, a shirt, and a pair of sun-glasses. All of which look really good on her. Not that I’m biased at all.

Then we headed back to my Aunt's. I stitched, DD played, my uncle and Nana slept. After my aunt came home we went to Razzoo’s Cajun Restaurant for dinner. The outside looked like a swamp shack (at least the pictures I’ve seen of them) and had a pair of screen doors leading into it. There were bottles of different sizes and colors that used as a divider. Nana and my aunt both had the cheeseburger with fries (it was huge), my uncle had the shrimp basket, DD had chicken strips and fries (of course, did we think there was going to be anything else?), and I had the Andouille with Red Beans and Rice, which is spicy but not hot. Let me just say that it’s Cajun sausage – it BITES BACK!!! Ouch. But really good. And like lunch, I couldn’t finish it all! No desert -- and they looked really really good. We did pick up some ice cream, bread and cheese on the way home, though. My uncle went home, my aunt and Nana watched TV, DD played. I started to stitch, but ended up talking to a friend of mine instead. While we were at Razzoo’s (oh, and yes, Alligator tails was on the menu), I called my Brother and told him that we’d arrived safely, that we were eating Cajun and that it was a balmy 81°F. He had absolutely no sympathy for me. :) I believe his words were something to the effect of “I hate you. Shut up.” I was just trying to be helpful and kind and let him know I arrived safely. Even though I had called him from the Smokehouse yesterday…it’s not my fault. (It was 18°F there). Did I mention I wore a tank top, skirt, and sandals all day? Um, oh, darn.

I did end up stitching a bit after DD went to bed and I finished talking with my aunt. I do need to call my mom tomorrow. And I think I want to pick up some earrings for SIL and maybe something for SSis and her kids. I might get DSdad a t-shirt too. I think he’d like that. I’ll have to remember this for when we go to Utah. Gifts for the family. And when I go to Atlanta this year… gifts for the family…. :) I had a blast today. I loved all of the food, and seeing everything. There really aren’t a lot of chain restaurants down here. I was surprised. And happy.

Thought of the day – OMG!!!! I bought shoes. Vile, evil things!!! And I bought a pair. Willingingly. Oh boy.

Spring Break -- Day 1

March 5, 2006

Lewisville, Texas

Day 1 of our Spring Break vacation to Dallas.

It was truly a travel day. I got up around 5:30 this morning, checked out of the hotel after spending a terrific weekend at a mostly useful writer’s mini-con. I picked up DD from DB and SIL new house, toured it – it’s huge – really, it’s too much. I mean who wants to clean something that large. Ugh. Nana picked us up around 8:30 this morning and we arrived at the airport at 9:00, since we had a 10:16 flight.

Security was a pain in the arse. I haven’t flown in 7 years, I wouldn’t have thought that I needed to remove my laptop from my carry-on. It was on the bottom of the flippin’ bag. Ugh. So they hand searched my bag and did some sort of chemical test on my computer. I’m going to take a long shot and assume they were looking for traces of explosives or other nasty chemicals meant to kill lots of people. You had to remove your shoes, unless you are over 80 or wearing tennis shoes. Yeah. DD and I were both wearing tennis shoes. Joy of joys. So we cleared security.

I bought gum to help DD equalize the pressure in her ears…she doesn’t like gum. So I had her drink a little, which she didn’t really want to do either. We boarded the plane out of GR easy enough. Watching her as we took off renewed my joy in flying. I got to re-experience everything for the first time with her. All of her excitement and fears. By the time we landed in Chicago though, she was complaining that she was hungry. It only got worse, especially the whining. YUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I did the unthinkable, I bought food at the airport. Really, what choice did I have? She was doing nothing but whining and complaining. I spent a good $30.00 on food for three people. Ouch. The meal consisted of Pepperoni Pizza, the personal size ones, Chinese with 2 meats (Sesame, orange), and a ham and cheddar on Ciabatta bread. We boarded the flight to Dallas on time, but then they had to de-ice the plane’s wings. And then we sat on the runway for a bloody half-hour. We were late getting into Texas. But we finally made it. YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We got settled in at my aunt’s house – it’s gorgeous, I’m going to have to get pictures of it all. My Aunt’s house is a gorgeous brick house, 4 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, with a study, breakfast nook, patio, sunroom, large kitchen, and formal living room that she separated with 2 large screens and made into a prayer sanctuary. One of things I’ve noticed down here is that almost all of the houses are made out of brick, is that a good portion of the houses, especially the newer ones, had their garages in the back of the houses with 8’ – 12’ wooden privacy fences, all accessed by alley ways. It’s really cool. My aunt's got this nautical - western - feminine decor thing going on. It's really tasteful and cool.

My uncle took us to the town of Denton, to a small hole-in-the-wall restaurant called the Smokehouse for dinner. I had a two meat combo of Beef Brisket and German Sausage, with a side of Potatoes salad and onion rings. DD desperately wanted Chicken Nuggets from McDonalds. She ate most of her chicken strips, and onion rings. Then we went to see the largest house in North America. Then home and then out to the grocery store followed by Braum’s, which has excellent ice cream. On the way back from dinner, we drove through Texas Women’s University, which was truly awesome. And then we saw the largest house in North America, which was gorgeous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And all the land that goes with it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And everywhere there are horses and cattle!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

More to come....

The Journey To Me

Starts inside, but it does manifest elsewhere. I keep a blog titled "Elven Thoughts and Meanderings" a misnomer to some degree. But, to make it true opens myself up to ridicule by those I have come to trust and consider my friends. Therefore, my options are somewhat limited == I can keep it as is, and begin anew where the title and the content are for the same purpose or I can change the title of this and open a new journal using this title, or I can keep the journal and alter the course of friendships I people I have come to love that I would miss and would not wholly understand or believe --

Perhaps it is best if somethings remain hidden from outside viewers, but therein lies my unhappiness == to be alone and not know my kin, my people...what joy it that lies there.

Thimbleberries

Is a block in the month club at a quilt shop that I discovered while looking for a butcher that one of my friends recommended to me. I signed up for the club on a spur of the moment decision. Yesterday was the first meeting that I went to. I bought the first month right then and sat down with the rest of the ladies, while they were sewing, I started cutting my fabric. I found out what some of my problems with my other quilt block experiences. :) I had a ton of fun and couldn't wait to get home to get more sewing done. The fabric for the Thimbleberries Quilt Club, is all vintage fabrics, a lot of golds, greens, and russets. The center block is an outline print of something. Such as hearts for February. I'm going to stitch the outline. I'm not sure if I want to stitch it black or some other color. I would like to use varigated floss. Maybe something from Weeks Dye Works (Havana, Molasses, Charcoal, or Onyx) or from Sample Threads (Cherry Bark, Forest Glade, Soot, or Black Crow). Since I don't have the center block with me -- they are behind in orders right now, I'm not sure which would look better. There are no bright colors on the fabrics, just muted fall colors. I'm looking forward to finishing it. Though I confess I will probably send it out for quilting, I love making tops, but I'm really lousy at machine and hand quilting. At least right now. Another thing I'd like to learn. Because you can only tie so many quilts. :) I will try and get a photo up as soon I can.

Question to Ponder...

...if this is the third, fourth, hundreth, or more time I've spoken with you and you still begin with "I'm a Christian" or "As a Christian" --- are you trying to convince me or yourself?

---Remember actions always speak louder than words, and the smallest, mostly unseen action, will be heard the loudest.

Today

I brokeded.

On My Photography Class

I have this assignment -- actually it was given 2 weeks ago, and it took me until Friday to figure out what to do. I hadn't realized what a rut my thought process was in. It's still uniquely mine, but there was a difference I hadn't been aware of. The assignment was -- well is -- in 36 shots show 1) freeze motion (but you have to be able to tell it was moving), 2) show motion, 3) show depth of field, and 4) show infinite focal length (at least I believe that is what he called it). So I sat down and tried to process it and come up with creative ways to show things. And I couldn't. I had gotten use to 1 -2 - 3 - 4- 5- steps in order -- linear ways of doing things. Not creative/circular like I was used to doing it. When I stepped outside academia I could do it. Now, my only concern with is, outside of being creative or original enough, is with the ideas and visualizations I did come up with, knowing that what I was trying for is what I got. Since I'm not shooting 1-2-3-4 etc I am writing what the shots are when I take them, so I don't forget. I was thinking of writing down all of the settings I've been using, but I don't know that I want to do that, well more likely, I don't know that I'll have the discipline to do that. The thing that I don't like about homework rolls when there are set numbers of each subject or part is that I can't take multiple pictures in order to get the one I want. That stinketh. I know it's a lot of practice, practice, practice, but I don't know that if what I've been doing (basic record keeping-- taking pictures of my DD, friends, and family) is enough. I've been wondering well two things -- what kind of color film to use (its a b&w class), and wondering about doing an interpretive word set of shots. One roll per word or phrase per week or so. But I don't know that I would want to come up with all of the words or phrases because then I could stack the deck in the way that I like and I am comfortable with. I think the idea is to be challenged. I think that might help me. At least I think so. So, if I do do this, I would want to know if it's b&w or color film to use and the word or phrase. Then when I have them developed I could make sure that I get them on disc too, so that the results can be seen. I also thought about picking a specific scene and taking several shots of it using different settings just to see the effect of it. That would probably take two rolls -- maybe do it twice or even three times -- inside, outside sunny, and outside cloudy. I should get an album of some sort to keep track of all of them -- note film, speed, and all settings so I can do a quick look and go -- oh, so that's what that would look like.

FYI Here Too

Even though a great many literature authors will tell you that you must be depressed, under tension, and despair regularly in order to write anything worth while. I whole-heartedly disagree with that sh*t. First of all, you have to want it. Second of all, you have to have a measure of talent that you were born with, and third of all, you have to guts, determination, and have unquestionable faith in yourself and your abilities. Otherwise, quit. It's easier. Less taxing on those pour fragile nerves and the rejections you recieve for your work won't cause you to go further into depression. But, on the other hand, if you believe that dribble, don't be surprised when the rejections start piling up. Very few people want to read about how depressed you are and how sad everything is.

Enough said.

(It's also posted at Behind the Script.) which is also mine

Woe Is Me....

Well not really... I mean nothing horrible is going on and my stress levels are decreasing. And the more I think about it, the more I like the idea of being a doctor. Not sure though. But I have to wonder, as I'm sitting in my beginning photography class (uses one of those big camera's where everything is manual) listengin to the prof talk about all the differences between him and me...now why couldn't I just apprentice for a while to learn all of the basics. It's not like the prof is teaching me how to think any further outside the box than I already do, ugh. Oh well. I got my slides back, he neglected to tell us our grades. I'm so not comfortable with that. I like to know how I'm doing in a class. Especially since failing is so not an option.

The other day I got to thinking about a few things, and I came to a realization. With the exception of small things (stash, clothes, books, footwear (as it is required by law) and music) all things that are individually less than 30.00 each when I bought them, nothing in my house was new when I got it. Not a thing. Not that that is a bad thing, I'm not materialistic or anything and I am quite aware of the difference bewteen a want and a need. But you know, just once, I'd like something new. LIke, oh I don't know, something that is more me than not. I'd like a car that I don't have to worry about. What I'd really like is one of those hybrids or to live a city with an actual transportation system that reaches all areas. I don't mind having to wait, but some times waiting gets old.

On a totally different train of thought -- I'm trying to organize and file all of my paperwork... that means some of it goes into the circular file too. Works nice. It's been hard. I honestly don't know what to do with all of it. As far as where to put it. And I don't necessarily want to box it all up since that will just shift the problem not solve it.

But for tonight....

I'm outta here.......

Life Goal

I'm doing one of those Life Goal - Change thingy's -- Here is my life goal --

To live simply and honorably, while keeping my values and beliefs in tact and not sacrificing my DD wellfare.

I would prefer to live my life simple and unassuming without attention being called to the people I help or the things I do in order to help others.

Wants vs. Needs

Now there is a definite difference between a want and a need in my not so humble opinion -- I do not need a brand new Ford Ranger XLT 4x4 with an extended cab in hunter green. I live in the city, that is a want. But I do need a new car. See -- want vs. need. I need to move, now. Luxary apartments are a want, however close in price they may be.

Okay, so we know, well, I do, that I don't need any more fabric. For a while. I really don't. However, I do need new clothes, and not knowing if people will grow brains and stop wearing hip huggers with bell bottoms anytime soon, and knowing that whether I am a size 2, 8, or 20, I will not ever wear them. EVER. My arse should not be showing to the world. It's mine and nobody elses. I did buy fabric yesterday. Several yards of it. All to make skirts, because it's warming up and I want to. I do want to go get some of the gauzy stuff from Destination India for a circle skirt still. And I want to get some knit tanks to go with it. And the good thing about the skirts, is that as I loose weight, I can take them in. hehehe.

The Stitching Basket

Welcome to another edition of the Stitching Basket, when I hold myself accountable to the goals I’ve made for myself this year.

Writing Goals –

I started the year off with a bang, averaging about 3 pages a day, but in mid-January my roommate died and I’m still trying to figure out how to tread water. So I haven’t gotten any writing done. Which also means, I haven’t finished anything and I haven’t submitted anywhere. I did start to look for conferences for SFWA and haven’t found a lot, admittedly, I haven’t looked real hard, and I have yet to join RWA SIC FFP hopefully in the next couple of weeks I will.
I haven’t sent in my registration for RWA’s National Conference. Now, I’m wondering if I should even go, given the upheaval here. I have started to organize my research both on my computer and in my filing cabinets – it’s true. I have started separate folders for different subjects and by author(s) or publication(s) when possible. It’s horrible and yucky, and way unnatural, but oh well. It must be done.

General Goals –

Here too, I started the year off with a poof. I started watching what I eat and how much and started exercising three times a week. But I know I'll feel better once I start working out again. And it'll get easier as time goes on. I haven’t checked into YMCA memberships because right now I still have free access to the school’s gym and pool.
I have begun to put together spreadsheets of all of my books, movies, CD’s, Cross Stitch (Wow, I didn’t have nearly as much as I thought. That’s rather sad somehow) and sewing stuff. I have started to get ideas down for Christmas for my friends and family. I basically know what I’m going to get my brother and his family, and my grandma, it’s just my DD, my mom and step-dad, and then my friends….hmmm we’ll see…
I have started to organize my bed room and utility room, now, especially out of necessity. But it’ll be nice have to less clutter taking up space. I mean really, I can’t possibly need all of it!
I made the Dean’s List last semester!!! I’m so thrilled!!!!!!!!!!! GPA is still recovering from the nosedive it took last winter, but oh well. I’m doing the best I can and I can’t ask more than that. My mom and I are thinking about going to Frankenmuth and Bronner’s sometime this spring!!! I can’t wait!!!! And of course we’re going in October -- middle to end hopefully.

And Now for the good part –

Stitching and Sewing Goals
I’ve finished several ornaments for the two Round Robin’s I’m in. I stitched about 100 stitches on Storyteller and then had to frog every blasted one because I count funny. :S I found the pattern for my nephew’s birth announcement, finally, so I’ll be starting that soon. I also have all of the floss I need to finish my step-dad’s sweatshirt. Yeah!!! He may actually get it this year!!! I bought Forest Goddess from Mirabilia and decided I didn’t like the pinky-purple dress and it needs to be more of an orangey-red and so I have to do that before I can start her. But since the Meandering one initiated a SHE SAL I had to find another SHE to work on, so I will be doing the Japanese Angel (which I can't find a picture of online :( ) from Barbara Baatz for my DD. I haven’t found the fabric I want for the Last Supper, which I have to restart because I count funny. But I have started Celtic Banner, finally. I’m thrilled about that one! And since my aunt gave me the Stitch-bow system, I’m finding it’s great for holding everything, though I haven’t had to un-wind any of the bobbin thingy’s yet. And I have decided that I want to get a new (and sturdier = sturdy period) Cross-Stitch Frame. My mom decided she wants one too, but she needs one that holds hoops, which is what she works on, so I think we’ll both be getting one this year. Yeah! And since I inherited all of my roommate’s fabric, I will be doing a lot of scrap quilting this year == well I’ll get the tops done at least. I do want to do at least one each for each of Nancy’s sisters and her mother with the fabric I’m inheriting – But SHHHHHHHHHHH it’s a secret – and maybe even one for the niece she was closest too. She would like that. I don’t know if I’ll do one for her grandson, and it’s low of me, but I know I won’t do one for her son. He broke her heart and I can’t forgive him for that. I do have a quilt and an announcement I need to start because I may even get to go to a wedding this year. It’d be nice. But we’ll see.

Choices

Have you ever noticed how certain events in our lives can lead to seemingly unconcious choices? And then those choices lead to new habits.

For example -- something I'd only realized the other day -- when I first came home after leaving my now-ex, I was 15 minutes early for everything. I was used to that. I was in the habit of doing that. And then something happened to change all that. It was the 23rd of December, my friend L and I were taking my DD and two of her cousin's kids to a local Trees from Around the World Display, and DD and I had to leave early to be at this friend of the family's house for dinner. So, we did and we got there on time, only to find out that I was actually an hour early. They told a couple of us an earlier time so that we would get there on time. They thought it was cute, I was insulted and if it hadn't been for my dad being there, I'd walked out, since I have no use for that sort of thing. And now, I'm mostly chronically late for family get togethers. Why be on time? No one else is. And they're just going to find fault with something anyway. THese were unconcious choices -- unconcious, because I didn't actually make the decisions -- I didn't think about it and then go "oh, yeah, let's do that", it "just happened". It just happened because I didn't do anything to stop it or change it or even look at the root of it until now. And that happened about 4 years ago.

That was my choice in reaction to an event in my life. A defense mechanism? Maybe, possibly. I'm not pysh major, minor, student, or doctor, and I don't play one anywhere...but I do know that our brains are extremely complex and we, as people, develop a thousand different ways to deal with things. Ways that protect us so that we can function in a way that is normal for us. I have a friend who knowingly chooses to avoid situations that compound her grief, makes sense to me, but she probably made some unconcious choices that developed into habits, and are in the process of developing into habits to also deal with things so that she can operate at a level that is normal for her. We're people, it's what we do. Coping techniques, defense mechanisms -- we have them, we develop them, we use them.

Even something as mundane as how clean or unclean, organized or unorganized your house is can sometimes be traced back to an event and a choice. My SIL and Mom have houses that look like they could be on the cover of a magazine -- beautiful -- not a dustbunny out of place -- the type where you are afraid to sit down because you might wrinkle something, bland and neutral in my opinion, and me, I'm the opposite --- mostly. It's not like I have science experiements growing on my counters and in my sink. But you can tell I live here, and I'm comfortable. My house is normally full of life and color and a family that stays busy and active. But I also at one point had a house that belonged on the cover of a pretty house magazine. And looking back, I know where the change came from. It is my reaction to my choices being taken away. If our choices are taken away, we will still react to them.

At least, that's what I've learned, because alas, again, it is a period of introspection. I recommend it to everyone, you learn the most fascinating things about yourself and others.

The Rule Of Four

I've never seen it before, so I thought I'd swipe it from the Lunatic


Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. Air Force Jet Mechanic
2. Receptionist at the County Bank and Morgage Company
3. Adjuster at the Evil Unholy Bank
4. Math and English Tutor at the College

Four movies I would watch over and over again:
1. Lord of the Rings trilogy
2. Princess Bride
3. Pirates of the Caribbean
4. Gone With The Wind

Four places I have lived:
1. Kadena Cho, Okinawa, Japan
2. Goldsboro, North Carolina
3. Denver, Colorado
4. Panama City, Florida
(there are more, but that's a fair spread)

Four TV shows I love to watch:
1. Crossing Jordan
2. Law & Order Criminal Intent
3. Good Eats
4. Extreme Makeover Home Edition

Four places I have been on vacation: (Thankfully it doesn't say they have to be recent!)
1. Smokey Mountains
2. Houston, Texas
3. Mackinaw Island, Michigan
4. Caribbean

Four websites I visit daily: (Um, well, I do when I'm online)
1. GRCC, this is more of a must though
2. Dragon Dreams
3. GRRRWA
4. Google

Four of my favourite foods:
1. Dark Chocolate
2. New York Cheesecake
3. Dutch Apple Raisin Bagle with Honey Walnut Cream Cheese from Panera
4. Penne Pasta with Arrabiata Sauce, Pancetta, and Prosciutto

Four places I'd rather be right now
1. Ireland
2. Scotland
3. Greece
4. Caribbean

Four people I am tagging:
The next four Elves that wander by.

Shrouded In Black

Once again, I'm shrouded in Black.

Five years ago I met her, my roomate, my surrogate mother, my sounding board, and my friend. We worked at the evil unholy bank -- the one we were laid off from. Four years ago, along with her niece --on of my best friends -- we became roomates. When my dad was in the hospital she relayed messages back and forth from me and more of my friends, she watched over my DD and made sure she was taken care of. She mothered me and my DD. And last night, she went home. She is without pain, sorrow, or suffering. And I am in pain.

I kick myself for not being there, for not doing more. No one seems to blame me, but me. I said I would take care of her. And I lied. And I don't know if I can ever forgive myself. I don't know if she will forgive me.

I have lost my friend and my DD has lost a 2nd grandma.

I am lost.
I am alone in a crowded room.
I am shrouded in black.

Quiz Time

You scored as Albus Dumbledore. Strong and powerful you admirably defend your world and your charges against those who would seek to harm them. However sometimes you can fail to do what you must because you care too much to cause suffering. Albus Dumbledore 95% Sirius Black 70% Harry Potter 65% Remus Lupin 65% Ron Weasley 60% Hermione Granger 60% Ginny Weasley 55% Draco Malfoy 55% Severus Snape 35% Lord Voldemort 5% Your Harry Potter Alter Ego Is...? created with QuizFarm.com

WW => EK => WW Again

The story I've been working on forever now, has become three. Today, in hopes of meeting my new resolution -- at least one of them, I've written about 5 pages, but I also figured out how to keep track of the "texts, letters, prophacies, and other documents" used in my story. NOt to mention the timeline and printed out the first 10 chapters so that I can start to edit, revise, and check for consistancy. I'm hoping that this will be finished by February 1st.

Big Burning Ball in the Sky

All across the county people stood in awe as clouds cleared and gray turned blue and a yellow burning ball was seen in the sky. Reports have confirmed, it was the sun. And everyone jumped for joy.

The Newest Bug

The newest member of my family arrived very early this morning. My nephew was born just before the crack of dawn this morning. A full head of hair. He's totally adorable. And since I was there to witness it, I'm so not bias. :)

There's Blue Stuff Up There!!!

In a moment of awe and wonder, people in W. Mich. stopped to gaze at a patch of light blue edge with golden yellow breaking through the dull gray sky. Questions of its origin and identity spread rapidly.

Rumors and unconfirmed reports state that it may have been the sky and the yellow stuff is the sun. Both are out of sight of northerners for most of the calender year. There are no confirmations available at this time.

Goals for 2006

I made my list of Goals for 2006. I'm still amazed by how large the list is...oops. I did however break it down into three parts -- writing, stitching, and general. Some of these are lifestyle changes not just what I want to get done. And they are things that cover the whole year.

Writing Goals –

1. Write 2-6 pages daily

2. Finish WW

3. Finish EK

4. Finish EW

5. Finish DR

6. Finish GTF

7. Contact at least 1 editor for MCT

8. Contact at least 1 editor for DR

9. Contact at least 1 editor for GTF

10. Finish RTF

11. Contact at least1 editor for RTF

12. Contact at least 1 editor specializing or dealing with Sci-Fi and Fantasy

13. Attend RWA National Conference

14. Look into SFWA Conference’s

15. Join RWA SIC FFP

16. Organize research – hard copy and digital

17. Participate in NANOWRIMO

18. Enter RWA’s Golden Heart

19. Subscribe to Writer’s Digest, Realms of Fantasy, Asimov

General Goals –

1. Lose about 100 lbs

2. Exercise at least 3 times a week

3. Look into joining the YMCA

4. Eat Healthier

5. Cut out Pop

6. Swim at least 3 times a week

7. Put together a spreadsheet(s) of all of my books, music, movies, Cross Stitch, and sewing stuff and keep a copy off site.

8. Encourage and help N to do the same thing.

9. Put Together My Reading List and try to buy those books, if not borrow them from the Library

10. Read at least two books a month, one should hopefully be a classic

11. Put together Christmas gift idea list of things to get people

12. Start Christmas Shopping Early

13. Finish Christmas Shopping by November 15^th.

14. Start Christmas Baking Early. Freeze if necessary.

15. Have Cookie and Ornament Exchange the 1^st week of December, with all ornaments and invitations being homemade.

16. Put together a list of all of the things I need and want for the house, start getting them, slowly

17. Clean, organize, and declutter my bedroom.

18. Clean, organize, and declutter the utility room.

19. Clean, organize, and declutter the garage

20. Clean, organize, and declutter the living room.

21. Take DD to Binder Park

22. Take DD to Kalamazoo Air Zoo

23. Take DD to Utah to visit friends

24. Take DD to Dallas to visit family

25. Take DD to John Ball Park Zoo

26. Take DD to Sleeping Bear Dunes

27. Spend more quality time with DD

28. Stay on top of finances (includes paying off bills whenever possible)

29. Stay on top of School work,

30. Stay on the Dean’s list

31. Subscribe to National Geographic, Creating Keepsakes, Memory ___, Discovery,

32. Finish applying to Colleges

33. Take DD to Bronner’s & Frankenmuth with my mom

34. Weekend trip to Bronner’s and Frankenmuth with Mom, SIL, and Aunt

Stitching and Sewing Goals

1. Finish W. Quilt

2. Finish W. Announcement

3. Teach at least 1 person to Cross Stitch

4. Finish TW Storyteller

5. Re-do Nephew #3 birth announcement

6. Stitch Niece #1 birth announcement

7. Stitch Niece #2 birth announcement

8. Stitch Nephew #5 birth announcement

9. Finish scrap quilt for mom

10. Finish sweatshirt for Stepdad

11. Finish Dragon Quilt for me

12. Finish Dutchman’s Puzzle, see if DBro wants it or give it to Uncle

13. Finish my costume, started last year

14. Sew DD Halloween Costume

15. Sew Summer clothes for DD

16. Sew summer clothes for Niece #2 for her birthday

17. Sew summer clothes for Niece #3 for her birthday

18. Finish TW’s Celtic Cross

19. Find and Finish TW’s Futurecast

20. Kit Stretch

21. Kit Tempest

22. Finish The Last Supper (need 36x20 fabric – 28 ct)

23. Start and Finish Celtic Banner

24. Start Resurrection

25. Stitch Orchid Afghan for Nana (find out which issues it was in and reorder them)

26. Finish Bird Afghan

27. Subscribe to The Cross Stitcher, Stoney Creek Cross Stitch, The Stitchery, and Just Cross Stitch

28. Subscribe to Quilt

29. Find and kit Celtic Angel

Happy Holidays

The holidays have come and gone. The year of preperation took about 45 minutes to undo. Not because DD had lots of gifts mind you, but because all of the wrapping paper had to be removed and each toy, book, or item of clothing inspected, and hopefully opened by mom. DD and mom got spoiled this year. I spoiled her and my mom and aunt spoiled me. My aunt got me the stitchbow organizing system (we'll see how long it stays in place and how long it takes me adapt it my standards because theirs isn't good enough. :)). And my mom, who I've wondered what she truly thought of me returning to school and becoming a nurse, bought me my first pair of scrubs, they can't be worn until I get hired in somewhere, but I have them. And the shirt has swimming dolphins on them. :) But my all-time favorite gift is the necklace DD bought for me. I did finish up another ornament. And now must contemplate buying two or three trees to support all of my ornaments. Um....Houston, we may have a problem here. I may give some of the ones I inherited to SIL, but I'm not sure if she'd like them, she prefers the crystal and crystal-looking ones.

On a happy, perspective putting note, I neither had to attend nor plan 6 funerals, so all is well. May everyone have a blessed new year.

Top Ten Reasons To Erase 2005

...almost.

Oh, I have ten reasons to erase 2005 -- SIL miscarried. DD had back and neck injuries. DD had Scarlet Fever (which elicites responses such as "That's still around?"). DD eczema got worse. Dad was in and out of the hospital. Dad died. Niece was exposed to things that no child should be. Dad's fiancee had heart attack. SIL's grandparents died. DBro. house caught on fire. There's more but those were the biggies. And what I ended up with was:

SIL is pregnant again. DD's injuries weren't permenant or life threatening. Scarlet fever went away. Eczema is managible. Had time with dad. Still have memories. Neice will be fine. Dad's fiancee will be fine and now understands how the rest of us felt all this time. Brother and family are safe. Things are replacable. People aren't.

Friends are a blessing. Angels in disguise. And they have made a stressful year blessed.

So, as stressful as 2005 was, 2006 will be better. And as long as we choose to remember the good times, '05 can stay, at least in the history books.

On Fire Proof Safe's

I strongly suggest one for everyone and inside you should keep negetives, copies of whatever is on your computer's harddrive, insurance papers, wills, DD214's, bankcards, credit cards, and a spare set of house and car keys. Advice gleaned from watching my brother and his family sort through the charred remains of their home this morning. We are thankful because with the exception of their 2 cats and some fish, everyone got out alive and safe.

The Stitching Basket

The stitching year in review. I had several goals for 2005. Some of them I reached, and sadly some of them will never be reached.

1. Lose 100-110 lbs. – With only days left in 2005, this isn't going to happen. But I didn't gain any weight in 2005 either, so that is good. In 2006, however, this is the new goal.
2. Finish EK – I was at the half-way point when my dad died, and found I didn't want to write on it anymore. To painful. However, there may be light here, and a way to finish. Which means, this will be a promising finish for 2006.
3. Finish DR – This is still where I stopped in August. It's on the, I-really-hope-to-finish-this in 2006 list.
4. Find an agent – Four rejections from agents, will query more along with editors in 2006.
5. Sell a mss – I’m still working on it. And still scrapbooking them.
6. Start Gateway – It’s got 2 complete chapters, a partial 3rd and I pretty much know what's happening here.
7. Start/finish W. Quilt #1 --- Motivation would come if they, I don't know, set a date, were enthusistic about getting married as opposed to a social obligation.
8. Start & finish W. Announcement #1 – It's chosen. It'll get done early in 2006
9. Start & finish W. Announcement #2 – This isn’t needed anymore.
10. Start & finish W. Announcement #3– Nope, this one isn’t needed either.
11. Finish TW's Storyteller – Allright, this has to be done in 2006
12. Finish scrap Split Rail Fence quilt for mom. – Hehehe, I may have to scrap this one and start something else. None of my pieces lined up. Ooops.
13. Finish Dutchman's Puzzle quilt for dad. – This is one of those things that may never get done. It's hard enough to remember I can't pick up the phone and call him.
14. Finish my Dragon quilt. – It's also on the I-really-hope-to-finish-this in 2006 list.
15. Complete cross-stitch gift for DD teacher. -- Well, lets just face it, I'm horrible at buying or making my DD teacher a gift. I didn't get around to it this year either. Maybe it'll get done, maybe it won't. At this point, I'm not sweating over it.
16. Finish DD Birth announcement – She's 7. It's got to get done. Definitely in 2006
17. Finish DNiece #1 Birth announcement - Um...the design is picked out. And this is now complicated by the impending arrival of nephew #2 for DB and DSIL (#5 overall).
18. Finish DNiece #2 Birth announcement - See above.
19. Decide if DSis will get 1 birth announcement for all of her kids or 1 for each. (Not sure of her reception to homemade things.) – This is decided. She doesn't get one. She has more than a little disdain for homemade things. Unless she's out of money, and then it's okay for the youngest ones to have homemade clothes. Otherwise its the popular name brands. (at least popular here).
20. Design and make costume for ball in 2006 – The Costume Ball has been postponed until March 2007. I'll do it 2006.
21. Design and make 2 Halloween costumes for 2005 – DD got done. I didn't do mine. Not a problem.
22. Send out four proposals to either editors or agents. – I did it. I got rejected by all four.
23. Finish "The Lord's Prayer" (3/4 way done) – Hey, look, a stitching goal! I finished this while my Dad was in the hospital.
24. Get the cross done on TW's Celtic Cross. – Hey look!! Another stitching goal! Oh, wait, never mind, Um……winter -- sounds like a good idea. That gives me until 3/21/06 technically or whenever all of the cold, white, crap goes away (aka SNOW).
25. Pick out background fabric for Stretch, Futurecast, and Tempest. -- Futurecast was started. And either got stolen or lost along the way. Stretch and Tempest are sitting patiently in the wings.
26. Clean, organize, and declutter my bedroom – Nope. THis may be one of those things that never gets done.
27. Clean, organize, and declutter the utility room -- See above.
28. Clean, organize, and declutter the garage -- See above.
29. Blog more – Overall, I'd say this was a success.
30. Write Daily – Hmmm. This doesn't count, because mass amounts of stress can give you writer's block. And if it does count, I didn't reach it. And I'm not sweating this one either.
31. Participate in NANOWRIMO – I did. I exceeded my goal. And that is all that matters.
32. Stay on top of schoolwork – So far, so good.
33. Dean's list/4.0 this semester – I'm pretty sure I made the Dean's list this semester. We'll see.
34. Rejoin FF&P – OOps. Not this year.
35. Enter FF&P OOTW contest – Missed it.
36. Enter RWA's Golden Heart – I don’t have anything ready to submit, so I’ll have to be content for next year. Oh well.
37. Read the Bible – I misplaced it somewhere, so I need to get another one.
38. Stay on top of my finances – Really I think this should be a life long goal. I think I’ll be constantly working on this one. Enough said.
39. Get a head start on Christmas sewing and shopping – I was done, and then my grandma decides, that this year at least, we'll be spending time with the b*(&h and her brats.
40. Read two books a month from my reading list (one has to be a classic) – I haven't read anything in a good two months. Now, that does stink.
41. Give up pop. – This is on the I-really-hope-to-finish-this in 2006 list but could up on the not-on-your-life list.
42. Binder Park Zoo w/ DD and DBro and his family – Nope. We didn't go to any zoo's this year. WHich is unusual, since we try to go every year. Maybe in 2006.

Lots of things being carried over into 2006. Ah well. So goes life. As far as the state of my stitching basket. I discovered Lizzie Kate designs this year at my LNS when I was looking for easy things for my DD to stitch. I picked up a few for her and a couple for me. And then I picked up one for a friend of mine, along with all the supplies she'll need, and I'm going to teach her how to stitch. SHe mentioned wanting to learn, and I've got a whole month before school starts again. This year I had several Happy Dance Finishes. Not necessarily the one's I finished, but I had them none the less. I finished Liberty and Justice, The Scottish Piper, and The Lord's Prayer in August. I started and I am just about half way done with Futurecast. I also finished 6 ornaments so far in two seperate round robins, which I've enjoyed so much, I entered a 3rd one. *makes mental note to pick up supplies* I did make progress on The Last Supper, Storyteller, Netherlands Windmill, and the Faerie birth annoucement for my DD. I don't know how much I'll finish this year. But slated for finish in 2006 is the Wolf Sweatshirt for my Stepdad, the Windmill, Storyteller, 3 Birth announcements, the other annoucement, the Faerie Annoucement, and hopefully two squares on the allready started bird afghan. Oh, and not to forget the ornament exchange with the girls. And besides having an overwhelming urge to add "and a partridge in a pear tree" I think I might add to my holiday stress with a sweatshirt for my brother. I have a pattern from Stoney Creek I think, that has an eagle and the flag and says something like freedom isn't free. So in short, my stitching basket is a chaotic mess, and I look forward to the many hours of stitching, without frogging I hope, and of course, adding to the mess.

First Grade Trauma

Trauma in the first grade is apparently overwhelming and very serious. And exists when a boy in another first grade class likes my DD and she doesn't like him. And she tells him so. Repeatedly, apparently. And tomorrow, she says, she will just say "Whatever" and walk away. I guess he even said "she was ugly, but he was lieing." Oh, the drama.

Things I Learned This Week...

....stitching and vertigo are a really really really bad combination.

....motionsickness really sucks.

....26 page university applications (not including the multiple essays) will give you writer's cramp.

....if the first words out of your mouth in reference to my DD are about her hair, she will ignore you.

....fear is a powerful motivator.

....being civil to evil people doesn't make you feel better or worse. But it does allow you to laugh when they finally realize something that has been obvious to everyone else for decades. And that will make you feel better....in an not so nice sort of way.

History 101

400 students file into the auditorium style classroom. Small screens and keyboards are connected into the Universities main computers. A slick steel door off to one side of the room slides open. The professor walks up to the podium, a mimic in shiny steel, dressed in the dark blue robes of academia. Students slide on the hands free single-ear earphones with mic.

"Today, we continue our study of late 20th century history. Unfortunantly, what we know of the 20th century is comparitively less than what we know of Ancient Greece and Mesopotamia."

A young man presses a button. "Professor Williams, why is that?" his voice echoes through out the room.

"During the mid 20th century computers were new, and filled up entire rooms. By the end of the century and into the next, computers had become compact, closer to what we are used to. People had turned from using paper products and had moved to all electronic communications."

"So why is that bad?"

Professor Williams doesn't acknowledge the question, but continues on. "With electricity at that age unstable all reliable records were erased. What we do know comes from the few hardcopy books and newspapers that survived. Along with family heirlooms such as scrapbooks."

"Paper books, how weird is that?" a young man says, inadvertently leaving his mic on.

"History was sacrificed for unknown reasons."

"Professor Williams?" another young man says, "My mother is a needlework historian, and she says that it was done for leisure reasons, not necessity."

"At the end of the 20th century yes. That is what has been concluded."

The discussion goes on for two hours, with the lack of information left from the 20th and 21st centuries dominating the questions. Whispers of disbelief race through students as a clip from a late 20th century movie shows on their screens. "It is believed only 4 minutes of the 3 hour movie survived."

"Remember the test on Friday, covers the 20th thru 22nd centuries!" The professor shouts as students pick up their pocket computers and file back out of the classroom. Never quite understanding just how much had been lost throughout the ages.

Forgiveness

Not to long ago, 3 months and 4 days ago to be exact, I made a decision. A decision that has forever changed my family. I had asked the questions no one wanted to ask. The ones no one wanted to hear the answers too. Someone had too, and I have the beginning of the knowledge to ask the questions and to understand the answers and the consequences. So, I asked. I demanded to know the truth. They told me. Most of which I did already know, but the answered. I asked. They answered. And a decision was made.

I remember what it was like as the machines were turned off and the pain meds increased. His chest stopped rising, his heart stopped, he turned cold, the blood stopped moving. And my father was gone.

And while I do believe that I made the right decision, there was less than 2% chance of getting out of the coma -- that is NOT recovery, one the doctors did agree with. I wonder if my father forgives me. Or if he is sitting next to God cursing my name with his every breath. My DB and DSIL don't blame me, in fact they agree. I know my dad's fiancee and her brats do. But whether anyone else agrees or not, I wonder if my dad is upset with me. I know I did the right thing, but does he?

The Next Step

I feel like I'm at the edge of a precipice. The river having give way to a gorge because I've waited so long to take the next step.

But how do you know how to cross the river when no one around you can see the blasted thing. And no one around you can help you to find a way. Awakening was tough, partly because I'm older and partly because I come from one of those families with set, unspoken, and unbreakable rules. I can accept awakening and am willing to find out what it all means and entails, but I don't know where to go from here. I'm not happy where I am, and I don't know the way to get across. Everytime I try jumping into the water, I get swept back to shore. And now, I must trust that I have wings and that I know or at least will learn how to use them in case the wind tries to blow me off course.

Awakening didn't negate my spiritual bonds with my God, it has deepened them. And with every course that I take that tries to tell me that this couldn't have existed or that was just myth, I find the hints to the truth. That they did exist. Do exist. And the proof will come out eventually.

But I don't know what it is I need to be or do to be happy. I'm not happy with myself because I still have this huge feeling of responsibility and duty that prevents me from packing up, taking my DD, and kissing it all good-bye. I'm upset with my family for taking advantage of it. And I hate the indecision that comes with not knowing which way to go. All the paths are open, some marked, some not, some merely faint shadows of the way once taken, and I stand in the middle of them all, dazed and confused. Alone, because although I can see others like me, know they are there, I cannot reach them. And those I can reach have extremely different values. Some of it is age, but some of it is in the heart.

The night engulfs me, the moon shines her brillance, the God of ages is surrounding me, and all should be peaceful. But I cannot reconcile the two worlds I live in. Neither one a lie and neither one complete.

Nanowrimo Goals Update

I don't feel like I got as much written as I did. But I can see it.
My goal for 11/21/2005 was 7,500 words. I actually wrote 8,035 words. I surpassed my goal. Now, I know I won't get 50,00 written by the end of the month, but that's okay, becuase I was writing. And it's been a while for that. So even though I more than likely won't make the Nanowrimo Goal, I still win, because I did write more this year than last year, and more than I have in several months.

So my goal for 11/28/2005 is 11, 000 words.
I'd like to reach 15,000 this month, but if not, 12,000 would be good.

On Teaching Children

Well, specifically, on teaching my child. I live in a piss-poor school district. It really is. My DD is extremely smart and bright. But for the life of me, I can't seem to get her to understand how to put words together. When she reads, and she doesn't know what a word says, she tries to sound it out. But she almost always adds letters that aren't there. 8 out 10 times she does it when I've got a headache or am tired and have hardly any patience at all. Which I know makes things worse. The problem is I don't know what is normal for her age, and every time I ask the teachers I seem to get a different answer or they comment on how polite she is. Well that's fine and dandy, but it doesn't help. I had parent-teacher conferences with her teacher and the student teacher and I brought the homework from home that DD has to do nearly every night of the week. It seems that she doesn't listen. And I don't know how to make her. I also wonder if it has anything to with her lack of participation in gymnastics and dance. Or if the combination of the loss of extracurricular activities (car is broke and there isn't any other way to get her there, because, yes, I have that kind of family) with the loss of her grandfather is the cause. Or if it's something else. Either way, I'm feeling like a failure as a parent. She's a good kid, yes. She knows right from wrong, yes. She knows how to use her manners, yes. She knows to respect adults, yes. But as a student, she's not even meeting her potential. With all of the books in our house and all of the reading we do, she's reading below grade level. And at the end of Kindergarten, she was reading at or above. I don't get it. I don't understand it. In fact, I'm confused.

I tutor students in Math, English Composition (which should probably be renamed American Composition), and a varitey of other subjects and I can almost always accurately tell their learning style and catagorize their thought process into one of two catagories (logic or circular -- there may be a blog there... hmm). But with my own DD, I can't even begin to figure out her learning style (auditory, visual, hands on) let alone how she thinks. I don't know if me, being very creative is trying to raise a logical child who will excel in math and science or if I'm trying to raise a creative child who will be extremely creative, and I'm trying to do everything the right way as determined by logical people and it isn't working for either of us.

SO maybe the name of the blog is Teaching Children, but On Being a Confuzzled Parent.

Nanowrimo Goals Update

Well my goal for this past week was 5,000 words. Not a bad goal. However, it is my sad duty to inform everyone that, I didn't make it. Again. But hey, I'm writing, so already I've won! So there! However, I did sit down and figure it out, to make a 50,000 word deadline by the end of the month, you need to write about 6 pages a day. Which means that as of today I should've written 24500 words or 98 pages. Oops.

My goals for 11/14/2005 -- 5,000 words
I wrote = 3,424 words (19 pages)

So my goal for 11/21/2005 -- 4,076 which would put my total at 7,500 words.
What I "should" be at is 36,750 words or 147 pages.

I am, however, almost down with the first chapter. And I can't wait to get writing again! So much for my muscle test. :)

Weekender

This past weekend, I did something I've needed to do since the 3rd of August. I escaped. This was the weekend of the Love Designer's Autumn Authors Affair in Chicago. I went down there with several friends of mine. We left early Friday afternoon and arrived at dinner time. After getting settle in our room, we registered and then met up with several friends that we hadn't seen in a year. We had dinner and then played trivia. Our team was the Awesomest Awesomes. We placed third out of five. We had to endure movie clips of exquiste heroes with excellent lines and abs amongst several other categories. It was a lot of fun. We went back up to the room, three of us pulled out our laptops and headphones, and did some writing. My one friend went to bed. And I did some writing. First on my futuristic series and then I went to work on my contemporary paranormal. Saturday morning started early with breakfast followed by registration, and then the opening speeches. Workshops started shortly after that. I went to a plotting workshop followed by one on character archtypes and then one on making your characters suffer is good. And then we went to lunch and sat with more friends and then skipped the luncheon keynote and Q&A to go upstairs and write. I went to a two hour workshop on characterization. Being a pantzer myself, most of what I learned I can adjust to my writing style with absolutely no problem. Others will require a little bit of work. After workshops we went to the bookstore were we all got books and promo materials. And then to dinner. After dinner, we brought our laptops down to the common room, sang filk songs about writers, editors, and urinary tragedies, while we were writing. And then we sang songs from Buffy the Vampire Slayer's musical episode. It was well after 1:00 am before we went to bed. We left after breakfast on Sunday and got home early in the evening. My DD spent the weekend at my mom's and had a wonderful time. And my mom who gets pissy about anything I do, basically was thrilled that I was home, I had a good time, and that I got to relax.

It was weird being in a hotel again. The last time was when my dad died. And a lot of things did remind me of him and that he was gone, but I did put them off to the side, knowing that I would need to get back to them, but enjoying the fact that for one weekend I got to be carefree. I hung out with writers who understand what you mean when you say the voices are all gone and how scary that feels (100 times worse than writer's block). And you don't have to use an analogy to help them understand. They also understand the why of how it happened and I found out that eventually those rifts would heal. I can write again. I can write again. I have ideas for characters. I know where I'm going with stories I was already working on, allbeit not the ones I was writing at the time, namely EK and DR. But I am writing. And I think that in small doses until I'm okay and then they'll bombard me.

I did however pick up two pins -- one says "I hate it when my voices argue with your imaginary friends" and the other says "Of course I can't take a joke, that's why I'm single" which probably sounds worse than it is. But there you go. I absolutely will not apologize for leaving my friends and family to fend for themselves for one weekend nor will I apologize for not dwelling on the fact that I have no social life or that I am still single. Because really, I'm not sorry, and I don't have time.

Nanowrimo

This month is National Novel Writing Month, Nanowrimo, at least it is according to author Chris Baty and the thousands of us who participate in this every year. The idea is to write 50,000 words in one month on one project, say a book or movie script. No problem you say. Yeah, but this is in addition to the hariness of your life already. So you are writing in addition to working, being a parent, and preparing for the onslaught of the holidays. And I'm participating again this year. I'm hoping to beat last years personal record which was about 2,000 words. I didn't do so well last year. I'll keep a weekly tally going, a goal for this week and how I did last week. I'm working on Heir Apparent, the first in a new series. And while this isn't a movie script, it's still writing, and that is what I do.

So this month's goal is 50,000 words.
This week's goal (Monday to Monday) is 2,000.